Just felt like sharing...

So I know I haven't been posting as often as I should or could, that's why I decided to share a couple of my writings that are dated in july and the first of august. They have no titles, but both are more on a down note.

7.21.09

how do you bring up a conversation that was supposed to be erased
resurfaced in the mind from many moments set in place
a chase for that puzzle piece that brings peace into your life
found in the sunshine of a smile and those eyes reflecting light
enticed with the challenge of making another impression
the first forever etched but the second a new progression
lessons taught lessons learned lessons followed
you listen to the sound of a knock that once was hollow
rejuvenated in the soul from the depths of disappearance
while you waiting for a sign to let you know you have the clearance
but clearly you're confused, mixed up, and frustrated
with the chance there's a crush that's more than infatuation
and you're tired of this waiting and always playing patient
playing on the sideline watching others make or break it
but what can you say when your sights are not aligned
so hard to speak your mind when you get shy all the time

by ntrl hgh

8.1.09 (1:30am)

why does it seem like i don't exist
caught up in between jealousy and envy
the heat rises
body starts shaking
mind wants to say something
lips stay shut
the choice to quit
the choice to stay committed
the will to stay strong
the power to let go
where does one draw the line
to turn around and walk away
to face the fear
to feel depressed all day
hurt so much on the inside
can't stay focused
can't go to sleep
can't understand any reason to put oneself through this
so why do i do this
why do i care so much
why does this matter
when i don't seem to matter
doesn't really matter what i think
cuz what i think is irrelevant
i appear to be nothing in the eyes of whom has my attention
and whose attention i do not hold
so what am i holding on to

by ntrl hgh

Hope this gives you a glimpse of one piece of what goes on in my mind behind the scenes of smiles and laughs. Don't get it twisted though, i'm definitely not drowning in down notes, but occasionally they do surface.